N.

You said you cared … But to what extent.

Turned out to be a nightmare . I really hate everything that happened . And i know he hates me too …either that or he looks at me as if I’m a fucking fool . I kinda just give up now .

http://neenavee.tumblr.com/ask

I had a dream just last night that my ex- boyfriend ( almost forgot the ” ex-” . ) and I

were hooking up …. it was so fucking hot.. I guess that fact that hes not mine

anymore, and that hes not attainable makes me want him more… god its killing me.

I’ve

never

wanted

something

so

badly.        

LORD HELP ME!!!

hah i love her. 

just wanna start out like…..

then get to here…

then start a little of this…

and that .. V

and then chill out like….

fake a smile to show everyone i’m okay.  

[ when im actually not. ]

Is it wrong for me to wonder if you’re hurting too?….. 

 are you thinking about the first time we kissed.. and wishing you could still kiss my lips.

are you thinking about those meaningless car rides, that now seem like the most important moments. 

are you thinking about the first time you looked into my eyes and said you loved me..i still wish i could say it to you

are you thinking about the inside jokes and secrets that we hid from the rest of the world… boy those jokes still make me laugh and those secrets are still kept safe .

do you still remember that list we made, the list of things we would do together… there are still 3 left un-checked. 

do you remember the 3 stuffed tigers you bought me….everytime i look at them i see your face. 

are you thinking about the moment we said we would try to stay together despite the distance, that would later come between us. 

are you thinking about the moment we held each other tightly at my door step …when you let go it seems as if you took a piece out of me..

Yeah its killing me…i feel empty almost all the time. calling you an ” ex” doesn’t even feel right. Just when I think id be safe from any thought of you…  you are in my dreams too. Everytime i wake up and you aren’t there it hits me like it did the moment you left my doorstep.  I know theres a long way to go and alot of people to meet but….i don’t think ill ever give somebody as much as i gave to you . All out of the fear that i’d be feeling this pain again. 

So we ended it …. I guess it just wasn’t the best thing for us .

God help me …. I can’t stop crying .

….. i think im dying slowly inside.

to be honest i never thought i would feel this way about it….i thought id be dead on the floor or crawled up in a ball crying..but i’m not.

i guess it wont truly hit me until i  see you both together. 

you will always be in my heart. <3 

Watching Spice World really brings back memories :/ I want to be young again….

Things were so much easier .

I can’t take this anymore …. I hate being home because I’m always getting yelled at , or told to ” get with it ” or told not to be so stupid … Or I’m laughed at … I hate this house and as the interior is changing the hatred towards me is growing .

but I stopped watching the Harry Potter movies after The Prisoner Of Azkaban..and I was wondering if anybody wanted to just come to my house right now ,at 2:30 in the morning…and have a movie marathon…then go out to see Deathly Hollows part 2 again..?   anyone willing . =D

but….( You must be able to explain the things I may not comprehend due to my lack of Harry Potter knowledge) 

THANK YOU ! 

i cant stand having to second guess his emotions……and i can’t stand that i have become such an emotional rollercoaster …i just wish i could eliminate all feelings from me…maybe that would help. 

why cant parents just fuck off …

SO annoyed with how many pictures that are summer related involve…

1. a blonde

2. wearing a bathing suit

3. crop top

4. doing the peace sign

5. wearing high waisted shorts

6. drinking, smoking, kissing a guy, or with another blonde friend…

seriously…at this point …

***( blondes yall know i love you so very much….but there is such an abundance of you girls ) haha  =D 

i hate that I’m the type of person that would go above and beyond for my boyfriend …because i automatically except the same thing back .. and once I don’t recieve the same treatment…I am let down and I start to question his love for me. I know deep down he loves me … but lately it seem
s like it’s not enough .. but then again , when it’s too much and I push it away.. why can’t I just be happy with the way things are … I hate wanting the opposite of what I have . I hate having to question somebodys elses feelings because they don’t put me high enough on their list of importance. I hate that he always has things to do . and that I’m always so damn available and desperate for his attention and love . I hate how I stay up late for his call , and as soon as he calls me he tells me he has to go to bed . I hate wanting to keep talking to him , and how he goes to bed earlier. I hate how he has camp + rehearsal for a play that occupy his time .. I hate how I plan out my days, months, to benefit the both of us . he doesn’t do that . and it makes me feel second almost everyday. I hate how I am such a selfish girlfriend and complain about these things . I just can’t help it .. I feel like nobody honestly cares anymore like I can’t talk to anyone about this . so here I am talking about it on tumblr.

I really do hate that I love him this much. but it’s life . and I have to start learning how to put myself first when it is necessary and when it is not. because I’m clearly not breaking up with him.

Getting really Impatient .

The defense attorney on the Casey Anthony trial …reminds me of my guidance counselor ..

But my guidance counselor is way more attractive . He’s kinda like a Teddy bear . Mhm .

I’m a freak .

When I read the Charlaine Harris books I can’t visualize any of the main characters ..I just see the actors/ actresses in True Blood …but hey, they are alot better looking on tv , than what I make them out to be in my mind .